As I sat down to write today, my mind shifted like a desert sandstorm to thoughts of relationships, singleness, choice, sex and intimacy, loyalty, side pieces, having babies while dating, I recalled an article I read a while back with the same title as this post. I wrote a response post which you can read here .
I have been quite reflective this past week as my oldest daughter’s birthday is tomorrow. She will be 10. It is hard to believe it seems like a lifetime ago that I was in the hospital with baby number 1. Does that title ring true for her? What does it mean for my son and my other daughter who are currently 6 and 7?
- Sex and Intimacy are not the same.
Sex sells everything. Let me say it again. Sex. Sells. Everything. What does a scantily clad lady have to do with toothpaste anyway? Just because we are now living in a social media world with sex literally at our fingertips thanks to smartphones and porn, we have sex on speed dial (*literally though*). While any two bodies can mash together in some discombobulated configuration, it takes more to establish intimacy. I read an article this morning about aura and chakra cleansing and how the more you sleep with a person, the more their bad vibes/energy/juju can mix with yours until you are only attracting negative things. Sure, we see a crazy passionate one night stand in our latest movie where the people are hanging off the ceiling because the sex was just so good. And of course we are armed with our 10 000th copy of Cosmopolitan where we can learn those 101 ways to turn a guy on and keep him. But then what?
- Your daughter and your son have choice.
From the moment they get their first girlfriend or boyfriend, or in my son’s case a preschool, two girlfriends, there is choice to be had. I remember the first time I spoke to one of my babies about relationships. While we were alone together and driving in the car, they asked, “Does Justin Bieber have sex with his girlfriend?” I and tried not to drive off the side of the road, and ever so stealthily looked in the rear view mirror. It was an honest question. I responded, “What do you think?” It opened the door to discuss baby making, kissing, sex, relationships, love and more. I was able to share that even hand holding is a choice. Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is a choice. If you don’t want to hold someone’s hand or be in a relationship with someone, then that is your choice. And that is ok. Either choice is ok.
- What happens in Vegas definitely comes home.
While living in an Instagram, filtered life, we have only shallow appearances of what people project and wants us to think about them. People post about their weddings, babies, pregnancies, celebrations, memories and what not. In my opinion, when I see someone who posts “realness” they are told that their dirty laundry doesn’t belong on Facebook. They get bullied. Or… The reverse happens; they are given the attention they are so desperately seeking. So when the lights of the club come on at 3 A.M. and you see who you are dancing with, who ARE you dancing with? What is their soul like? What are the consequences of posting rants about how much you hate your job on social media (and listing the company by name)? When you want to just “let loose and have a few” and realize there are consequences of those actions?
While our children have to go through these three points, how much more so do we as parents, as individuals/sisters/friends/husbands/fathers/brothers/work friends also heed this advice? That there is a difference between fake sex from the bar and a lasting connection with emotional, physical and psychological intimacy? That we also have choices to make. And those choices are ok. And, that there are positive and negative consequences to our own actions?