Response to: Your Daughter will have sex and there’s NOTHING you can do about it Article

Hello friends. How was your week? I have been utilizing those curl your toes, swallow-you-whole, blue couches. There has been tea, laughter with the girlfriends and an overall pensiveness about life. I read an extremely interesting article this past week about teenage girl sexuality. The link is below:

To summarize this article, the author states that your daughter will have, “mind-blowing, orgasmic, beautifully wonderful sex- and there’s absolutely, positively nothing you[over protective fathers] can do about it.” It discusses a viral video of how a father came home to find his 17 year old daughter at home with her boyfriend engaging in sexual activity. The father promptly “protected” his daughter by beating the guy down.

The writer of the article is a 19 year old mother of a 3 year old son who is studying Sociology, Anthropology and Comparative Women’s Studies at the esteemed, Spelman College in Atlanta, GA. I thought to myself, “I wonder what the article would have looked like had this been written by a 32 year old, married woman of 3?”

I have had several interesting conversations with both men and women this past week about this article. While I gave them brief answers at the time, I summated that I would write a blog in response to the initial article.

There are many angles one could take when responding to this article, and I will touch on several pertinent points, in my opinion: from a religious, parental, feminist and daughter standpoint.

First off, let me state, that most organized religions are not a fan of premarital sex. Society in general tends to lean towards men, “Sowing their wild oats,” and that whole “boys will be boys” fiasco of a scenario. I am of the opinion that if the father came home and found his teenage son of the same age, he would not have beat down the girl, or would even have paid that much attention, other than to congratulate him.

Secondly, from a parental standpoint, we are often quick to want to protect our children from any potential “harm” whatever and however we define that harm to be. The father thought he was doing his daughter a justice by “protecting” her. I do not agree with this position. In my opinion, to protect her, would have been to educate her on the potential physical, mental, spiritual and emotional side effects of choosing to engage in sexual activity with a partner. What two, grown, consensual adults choose to do in private is between the two of them. Sex is natural and can be very healthy. I am not going to go into the moral ramifications of if it is right or wrong for her or the guy to be engaging in premarital sex, but there was no evidence of sexual assault, so we can assume they were both consenting.

From a feminist perspective, a woman and a man has the right to choose whom he or she wants to experience sexual intimacy with. She or he has the right to say yes and no when the time is appropriate, and to engage in something he or she deems enjoyable, as long as it isn’t hurting another person.

I also watched an equally fascinating Buzzfeed video that talked to straight people about how lesbians have sex. A sex “expert” stated that sex isn’t necessarily about penetration of a penis, but about the unification of two people and expressing a mutual love.

While I am making general, blank statements, there was nothing said as to whether the girl (or guy) was educated in what appropriate, healthy sexual activity actually is, whether they were engaging in safer sex practices, or what kind of familiar boundaries had been established in the home to determine whether this was an acceptable form of behaviour while at home.

As I am now not so much looking at this from a daughter standpoint, but from a parent’s view, would I rather my own daughters experimenting with sexual activity in the back of a car, in the dark, where she cannot leave if she chooses, where there may not be access to protection or other people around, should she need to leave? Has she been informed of how beautiful sex can be when done in the right context, at the right time?

I find it extremely fascinating that the father would much rather believe that the daughter is being  violated and therefore needs protection, more so that she doing something she actually wanted to do.

From a daughter’s perspective, I would want my parents to understand that these actions were something I was choosing to do so freely, and want them to be honest and open about a discussion about what appropriate and inappropriate sexual actions are. Again, if a daughter is informed about her sexual choices, I am of the opinion that she is probably less likely to be sexually misused by a boy (NOT a man) who only wants to get into her pants for the moment.

Finally, healthy sexual discussion and knowledge can lead to informed choices and safer sex practices. If parents are not being the ones to talk to their children about healthy, beautiful, unifying sex, then children (and grown people) are left to allow media, friends and the like to influence and inform their choices. After all, TV and Cosmo and only Jesus knows what else, are chomping at the BIT to talk about sex.

Open discussions lead to informed choices. Let’s talk about it!

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